In the Wynk of an Eye

I’m really not sure about the half your age plus seven rule. I’m usually attracted to slightly older guys, for reasons I won’t care to admit to myself or this blog, but for some reason this one got past the check point. He had all the fun of a twenty-something but popped the professional hat on the minute someone mentioned something work related and I was impressed.

We met at a dating event I had organised. He introduced his male partner and I assumed he was gay. A wink and an ever so slight secret hand grab later, I discovered he most definitely wasn’t, and was most certainly into me and made a mental not to remember that ‘partner’ can also refer to business.

Getting to know him was great. We had three perfect dates. There was hand holding, talking for hours about nothing and everything, seal spotting, pizza, drinking, dancing, hot chocolate and a whole pile of excitement .After what seemed like the longest wait for the sake of waiting wait, ever that point we deemed it acceptable to have sex.

A guy once told me that you’ll only know how much a guy likes you after you have sex with him for the first time. Its not the deed itself that’s telling, its the aftermath. The behavior after the main event is indicative of every feeling he has for you, reveals an awful lot about his personality, confidence and may show a little of what is in store for you both. Cuddles after don’t necessarily mean love and marriage but it does show a certain amount of respect for that intimate moment you both just shared. Talking about it after always demonstrated confidence to me. It’s important as adults to get to a point where you are comfortable about talking about it, what you like, what you want and what you would like to try. It took me ages to even be OK with having the lights on.

He left, approximately 20 minutes after because he was worried about traffic the next morning. It was a beautiful summer’s Sunday evening at just 11pm and I was gutted. I had honestly there was more to us than that but I guess you should never make assumptions like that.

At the same time, I don’t regret sleeping with him. I’m not even sure why I followed the three date rule. When I described what I thought was that inexcusable behavior to others, I was judgmentally asked what I expected, considering I had know him less that a month. That really didn’t help my mood and some of the people expressing these opinions were the very ones that didn’t even have good sex lives. Then I realised it would much more sense to actually talk to the person I had sex with. Funny that! We had an adult conversation about it, made peace and I happily moved on in the space of another approximate twenty minutes.

We need to stop judging each other. We need to accept the fact that it is OK to have sex with whomever and whenever we want, in or out of a relationship. Next time, before you ask a friend’s opinion on a dating matter, consider asking the person you were intimate with  the same thing. You might just get the answer you need.

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