I hope the vast majority of you avoided the shit show that is: Plenty Of Fish.
Here are 15 of the more pleasant examples as to why you should avoid it like the plague. Yes, every single one is a real one, sent to me.
My First Catfish
If you follow @hotdudeswithdogs on Instagram, you’ll recognize this one. I was so excited about my first Catfish but sadly, it wasn’t meant to be. He (or she) had me blocked after just one message.
2. The Dreamer
Apparently only he is allowed to be funny because I didn’t get a reply to my humorous retort.
3. Give me a second
I hadn’t even been online. And I thought I was needy…
4. Compliments aren’t key.
Erm, thanks I guess, but if you saw me in coppers on a Saturday night you’d realize I’m far from elegant..
5. Tone it Down
I just don’t like anything about this message. Also, I have been asleep during both messages. You, picture-less person are a little scary.
6. The Top Shot
That’s not even a sentence? What do you want me to do with this. Reply sent: ‘Cold Cold’
7. Pack it In
Someone please tell me this isn’t some sort of new age sexy talk I don’t know about??
8. Not Hungry
This one’s username was a series of numbers and he wants to take me for dinner. No thanks 3422265511. I’ve just eaten..
9. Is Romance Dead?
What’s your real name though friend? Or shall we call you true?
10. The Belfie
Because: and this is based purely on experience, no boy with a belfie wants to be a boyfriend.
11. Prince Charming
No thanks, I’m not the type of girl that needs a man to ‘give save’.
12. Older, Not Wiser..
Yeah, I’m sure you really want to get to know me. Let’s meet and talk about the feminist movement shall we?
13. Netflix and Comb
His pic had about ten feet of hair. Maybe next time, Goldilocks.
14. Straight to the Point
Thanks for the options, whichever shall I choose…
15. Lost in POFNation
We ended up having quite a lengthy conversation about how I wasn’t a prostitute. His last offer was nine hundred euro.
So, I shall be putting that app to bed. In the 14 days I have been on it and have received messages from exactly 184 men. I have responded to 6, given my number to 1 then discovered that one was also a Catfish who sends me regular voicemails of cats purring. It’s been an exhausting, shocking and darn right hideous experience and I’m glad its all over.
But hey, I’m not judging, if any of the above floats your boat, swim to your hearts content.