I can already tell this is going to be a disaster. I’m waiting for him in one of my favourite restaurants, my new designer shoes on, sipping an extra large glass of pino. He doesn’t even smile when he sees me. He asks me if I came from work. I say yes even though I spent almost 2 hours getting ready.
I ask him for updates on everything I know about him. In between, there’s air gaps for where he looks at me blankly. We don’t even flirt. Not even slightly. I don’t know why he even came. It’s an hour in and he’s not enjoying this and nor am I.
Our first date was horrific, the second time we met was better, the third was fun and then he ghosted me. I know I am never gonna marry him but I’m totally intrigued, slightly infatuated and actually wanted to meet him again so I went against my better judgement (and that of all my friends). I don’t know what it is about him, it is probably that he doesn’t want me. I don’t know what he wants with me either, he says he doesn’t even like sex and I get the feeling he means it.
He’s shit, but he’s quality shit, like a tub of roses. You buy it, not because you really want it but because it’s a thing you do. Before you open it, you don’t know if you’ve got a good or bad mix. By the time you get to the tub, other people have taken a lot of the good stuff out of the tub already and your left with a few really good ones that not everyone likes, a few that you will have to fight other people for, the mediocre ones you’d have when you are stuck and a few premium ones that there should be more of and you are disappointed every time.
He has issues and he tells me them all. They are the same issues we discussed in detail on the other dates. There’s a lot of crap in his life that he can’t control and he’s pissed at everything. I’m looking at him thinking I can’t find him because I don’t know where he got lost. I don’t think he wants me to help. I decline his invite to go to his house and he asks to meet over the weekend instead and without thinking I say ‘BUT WHY?’.