New Year, New Me(n)

It is the year of the rooster in China, but for me, its going to be the year of the slut. I have vowed to spend an entire year shifting as many men as possible, with as little effort as nec essary from as many dating mediums that have been invented.

I decide to re-join Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid. Then I will extensively research and create profiles for Bumble, Zoosk, Ticker, Hinge and anything else that pops us as well as going to single’s meet ups and speed dating events. It’s going to be a busy year.

I started with Tinder. I have 302 matches in 2 weeks. Perhaps I am not being picky enough. Start to delete all ones that say variations of “Hey, how are you” and opt to find more meaningful conversation. Have hour long conversation with Jack. Conversation ends when he tells me he is married. Recieve 11 requests for sex and ignore.

Then I meet Mike. Mike is very hansome. Assume very busy status for at least 2 weeks and opt for date then. Then I extensively research Mike. By getting his phone number I now could find his Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and useful details like his address, soccer club with attached training schedule. Having stalked both him and his listed family members sufficiently I have decided he is not a serial killer or kidnapper we arrange an official first date in my local pub.

Arrive with fingers crossed and find Mike wearing coat almost identical to mine.Subtly ask questions to confirm facts I learned from staking. Engage with rowdy locals who have €50 bet on as to whether we are on a Tinder date or not. Drink 4 vodkas and shift Mike. Decide I like Mike already. Drink more vodka and invite best friend to join date. Hope Mike doesn’t ruin plans for slutdom 2017. One must achieve their goals.


Chat soon,


N xx

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